Getting back on your bike after a hiatus often feels awkward, and is surprisingly similar to how it can feel having sex again after a long break.

Kyle and I recently celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary. Since our original plans fell through, we spur of the moment booked a more local getaway.

We loaded up our mountain bikes and found some trails near our airbnb. Though I’ve been mountain biking plenty of times before (and LOVE it), it was only my 2nd ride of the season. And to be honest, I was a little scared.

It always takes me a minute to remember the rocks and terrain that my bike and I can comfortably traverse. So … in my nervousness I crashed (which left me barely able to walk the rest of the trip).

The funny thing is; this can be like your sex life. If you get out of practice being intimate with your partner, it's not always a smooth ride again at first. 

It can feel awkward or scary. I know for me, when I am out of the rhythm of connecting with Kyle (not just with sex!), it can be hard to start again. It's like trying to start biking again after the winter – it feels clunky. You may even crash like me 😉

But hey, that's okay. Take it slow, ask yourself what you like, how you're feeling, and keep exploring together.

Trust me, it's worth it. Research tells us that when a couple’s frequency of sex mismatches how often they’d like to have sex, they often report lower relationship and sexual satisfaction. And another study proposes that increased sexual frequency can benefit life satisfaction. So what does this mean for you? It’s important for you and your spouse to talk about how often you’d both like to have sex. Then decide together on an amount of sex that meets in the middle. Because EVEN MORE important than the frequency of sex for a couple’s relationship satisfaction, is their sexual communication.

That said, I believe that for a couple to have a thriving relationship, sex needs to be a part of it. And I’ve found that when sex is a consistent part of that relationship, it’s easier to stay emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually connected.

“When you are in the practice of being sexual together, you are going to be able to have the freedom and comfort to explore new things.”

But hold up! And this is where it gets tricky. While it's important to keep things consistent, falling into the same-old sex routine over and over again and having sex for the sake of it… that's not gonna work either.

You need to find a balance between consistency and staying connected. Keep exploring, practicing, and connecting to keep things fresh. 

You might be wondering, “How often should we have sex?”. That’s personal. But one study shows that couples who have sex “up to about once a week” tend to have higher relationship satisfaction. More than once a week? Satisfaction doesn’t change much or can even decrease.

So get together and talk about it with your partner; How often do you want to have sex? Decide together and commit to make sex a consistent way to connect. 

Maybe you are in a place where sex is just hard right now. I see you, friend. There could be so many reasons why you aren’t enjoying sex. 

Maybe you’re feeling distant from your spouse. 

Maybe sex feels like a chore rather than a way to connect. 

Maybe there are cultural myths about men and sex that you’ve picked up on the way. 

Hope is not lost. But playing the consistency game probably won’t help. Start now to learn how to make sex a fulfilling part of your relationship and good for YOU as well as your spouse.

Here is where I’d recommend you start: 








“Sex is not just an act of your body it is a whole act of your soul.” If you're feeling like sex is too difficult, start where you’re at and start learning how to change your perspective. I'm here to help you do just that! But if you're ready to make sex cyclical while connecting deeply and exploring with your partner, your relationship will be happier for it. 

42: Unpacking Purity Culture