Sex should be fun, connecting, and pleasurable. But what if all you feel is pain?
Painful intercourse is common but NOT normal. If this is your experience, it's very unlikely you’re going to want to connect sexually with your partner… ever. You might think “I’d be happy if I never had sex again!”
This was true for occupational therapist Jess Seitz. After suffering for 8 years with excruciating pain and almost impossible intercourse, she just about gave up. Her hope for a pleasurable and binding sex life with her husband was gone.
It took years of meeting with different professionals, researching, and therapy until she discovered a way past the pain.
First it began with a diagnosis of vaginismus. Then, as she applied her own knowledge of occupational therapy and pain management, she created a treatment plan that was unlike any other.
After following her treatment plan for 4 months, she experienced penetrative sex without pain for the first time in her life.
What is Vaginismus?
There are lots of reasons women might feel pain during penetrative sex, vaginismus is one of them. Jess explains that vaginismus is “when your vaginal wall or pelvic floor muscles contract involuntarily upon penetration.”
You could experience this involuntary contraction your whole life (no thank you, tampons and speculums!) or happen unexpectedly causing pain when you didn't have any trouble in the past.
Vaginismus is a vicious cycle starting with your body perceiving tension and then blocking whatever is coming in to protect itself. This causes pain which just gives your body more reason to constrict the next time it happens.
For the Woman Feeling Pain During Intercourse
Painful intercourse is frustrating and can create a wedge in your relationship. You’re worth the time and attention to feel pleasure instead of pain.
Start to move past painful intercourse with these tips:
1. Seek Professional Advice
To stop the pain, you have to know what’s causing the pain. Jess recommends connecting with your Gynecologist or a pelvic floor therapist to get the right diagnosis for you.
Seek professional help to know what resources will be most helpful for you.
And if they tell you to relax and drink some wine, it's time to find another doctor!
2. Understand Triggers
Jess learned over time that the pain and anxiety of intercourse started way before her and her husband hit the sheets.
Does your body tense up with a tender touch?
Does a certain position bring more pain than others?
Understanding your triggers will help you change patterns adding to your negative experience with sex.
3. Talk to your Partner
If you’re feeling discomfort or anxiety about intercourse, tell your partner! (It’s true, he CAN’t read your mind)
Letting him in to your experiences will create space to work together. Talk about what you need to manage your triggers and how he can show up as a positive force when facing your discomfort.
Open communication leads to better support in your experiences so you can have less pain and more joy in sex.
You Deserve Pain-Free Sex
If your sex life is full of pain, you don’t have to grit through it. You deserve a sex life that is deeply fulfilling and connecting with your spouse — as God intended it to be.
Healing painful sex can bring more depth to your marriage than you ever thought possible. Don’t sit through your pain. Invest in helpful resources to improve your sex life. Connect with health care professionals that can find the source of your discomfort.
Take steps now towards a life of pain-free sex.
Painful intercourse is common but NOT normal. If this is your experience, it's very unlikely you’re going to want to connect sexually with your partner… ever. You might think “I’d be happy if I never had sex again!”
This was true for occupational therapist Jess Seitz. After suffering for 8 years with excruciating pain and almost impossible intercourse, she just about gave up. Her hope for a pleasurable and binding sex life with her husband was gone.
It took years of meeting with different professionals, researching, and therapy until she discovered a way past the pain.
First it began with a diagnosis of vaginismus. Then, as she applied her own knowledge of occupational therapy and pain management, she created a treatment plan that was unlike any other.
After following her treatment plan for 4 months, she experienced penetrative sex without pain for the first time in her life.
What is Vaginismus?
There are lots of reasons women might feel pain during penetrative sex, vaginismus is one of them. Jess explains that vaginismus is “when your vaginal wall or pelvic floor muscles contract involuntarily upon penetration.”
You could experience this involuntary contraction your whole life (no thank you, tampons and speculums!) or happen unexpectedly causing pain when you didn't have any trouble in the past.
Vaginismus is a vicious cycle starting with your body perceiving tension and then blocking whatever is coming in to protect itself. This causes pain which just gives your body more reason to constrict the next time it happens.
For the Woman Feeling Pain During Intercourse
Painful intercourse is frustrating and can create a wedge in your relationship. You’re worth the time and attention to feel pleasure instead of pain.
Start to move past painful intercourse with these tips:
1. Seek Professional Advice
To stop the pain, you have to know what’s causing the pain. Jess recommends connecting with your Gynecologist or a pelvic floor therapist to get the right diagnosis for you.
Seek professional help to know what resources will be most helpful for you.
And if they tell you to relax and drink some wine, it's time to find another doctor!
2. Understand Triggers
Jess learned over time that the pain and anxiety of intercourse started way before her and her husband hit the sheets.
Does your body tense up with a tender touch?
Does a certain position bring more pain than others?
Understanding your triggers will help you change patterns adding to your negative experience with sex.
3. Talk to your Partner
If you’re feeling discomfort or anxiety about intercourse, tell your partner! (It’s true, he CAN’t read your mind)
Letting him in to your experiences will create space to work together. Talk about what you need to manage your triggers and how he can show up as a positive force when facing your discomfort.
Open communication leads to better support in your experiences so you can have less pain and more joy in sex.
You Deserve Pain-Free Sex
If your sex life is full of pain, you don’t have to grit through it. You deserve a sex life that is deeply fulfilling and connecting with your spouse — as God intended it to be.
Healing painful sex can bring more depth to your marriage than you ever thought possible. Don’t sit through your pain. Invest in helpful resources to improve your sex life. Connect with health care professionals that can find the source of your discomfort.
Take steps now towards a life of pain-free sex.
