1. You Don’t Enjoy Sex

Have you ever had food that just wasn’t good? It might’ve been mushy or too dry. Or the taste was just plain terrible 

Would you ever want to have that food again? 

No!😝

Just like good tasting food keeps you coming back for more, so can good sex! 

Think about it, Do you have sex worth having? 

If sexual encounters with your spouse aren’t enjoyable, you won’t crave it like a perfect gooey brownie.

Sex between partners can add so much to the relationship and it's not just about feeling pleasure. 

BUT. Pleasure is a BIG part of it. 

If you aren’t enjoying sex right now, it’s time to start asking yourself; what do I need to get there? 

Have you had trouble reaching orgasm? Learn how to orgasm with this guide from my good friend, The Christian Sex Educator.

Does sex feel like a chore to keep your husband satisfied? Discover the meanings about sex that are currently operating for you and your husband. 

Are there other parts of your relationship under tension? Find ways to strengthen your relationship outside of the bedroom.  

Finding what’ll create more enjoyment in sex will open the door for desire. You’ll actually want to have sex!

2.  You Don’t Understand Desire

In this world, there seems to be only one definition of desire: Spontaneous desire. 

You might think desire will just fall on you in an instant and you’ll be ready to have sex. 

Though some people do experience spontaneous desire, this isn’t the only way to feel desire. Responsive desire looks a little different, but is another way desire shows up (learn more about it in this episode).

The one thing that is common between both types of desire is what Emily Nagoskis talks about in her book, Come As You Are. It’s that for everyone, arousal comes before desire.🤯
 
So if someone experiences spontaneous desire, it means that they have a smaller threshold to get from arousal to desire.

So maybe your partner makes a move on you and you aren’t feeling the desire to have sex then. This does NOT mean you don’t have desire. You just haven’t reached your arousal threshold!

In that moment, work with your partner to know what you need to get you to your threshold for desire. 

3. You Could Be Doing Too Much For Everyone Else

As women, we’re often encouraged to look outside of ourselves, to notice others' needs, and shoulder most of the household and childcare responsibilities. 

It's a beautiful thing to show up for others! And that's also A LOT for one person to carry.

Taking an extreme attitude to meet the needs of everyone around you can lead to suppressing your own desires. This is also known as self-silencing.  

Ignoring your wants and desires while constantly giving can lead to burnt out. 

Friends, you are valuable. What you love, hope for, and dislike matters! 

Research about self-silencing shows that because women value relationships, they’ll sacrifice wants, thoughts, and desires to keep the relationship strong. But in reality, it may do the exact opposite. 

When you aren’t showing up authentically in your relationships, by ignoring your own wants and desires, there is no way you can build a deep healthy relationship with anyone. 

So let’s consider self-silencing in sex. 

If you aren’t prioritizing your pleasure and are only focusing on your partner’s pleasure and making sure he is satisfied… How connected do you think you’ll feel to your partner? Can sex be satisfying for you too if you push aside your own pleasure? 

It can be hard not to feel guilty for prioritizing your pleasure too. But that’s crucial in allowing yourself to be a full participant in sex.

You deserve to take up space. And when that happens, your relationship will grow stronger and you’ll be able to recognize and learn to foster your desire. 


If you want to dive deeper into why you don’t feel desire, don’t miss saving your seat in my signature course From Pressure To Passion!