I remember watching the wave go across the pregnancy test with apprehension and tentative excitement. Should I look away for several minutes to make sure the test was reading it accurately? Or keep watching? But that definitely looks like TWO lines! “I’m pregnant!”
BUT, I didn’t realize the weight of those two little lines. The lines hadn't lied, but they didn’t do justice to the reality ahead. Which hit FAR TOO soon when what I’d always heard of as “morning sickness” turned out to be all day everyday sickness and “cravings” were actually just the briefest of feelings that I could possibly, maybe be able to stomach that one thing without wanting to puke.
Pregnancy is a rollercoaster! With changes inside and out, I thought I would never feel like myself again.
You are not alone! That’s how Carlie Palmer-Webb and I felt during our most recent pregnancies, so we decided it was time to turn up the transparency meter and fully disclose what pregnancy can actually be like. No more feeling like the glowing mothers on Instagram are reality. Truth is… most of us are lying vertical (looking our worst) just trying to survive the day.
In the episode, Carlie and I discuss the struggles we faced and what got us through. Here is your recap:
You are not alone
We have been there and know how isolating and difficult a pregnancy can be. Carlie and I carried our 1st and 4th babies at the same time. Carlie was shocked to find how difficult pregnancy was for her(“It was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”), and was disappointed to find the difficulty took away from the excitement. If you can relate, we see you! I hope this episode gives you the words to better express what you felt with your spouse and friends.
The first piece of advice Carlie would give to herself before becoming pregnant is “This too shall pass.” Keep in mind that the pregnancy-you is not forever. It’s okay to not have a good attitude all the time. It’s okay to give yourself permission to not want to be pregnant anymore. Carlie shared what she learned, “Two things can be true:
I can desperately want to be a mom and can also want desperately for this awful experience to be over.”
Advice for the hard times
Relationship Struggles
For Carlie, the first part of pregnancy was the most difficult time in her marriage. It wasn’t fights or hurt feelings that caused grief, but the exhaustion of her and her husband and the reality that they missed the relationship they once had. Even though this is challenging, it is so helpful to understand that this won’t be forever. You might not be able to show up the way you had before. Consistent conversations can be so helpful as you and your partner navigate this new reality, and help your partner recognize how they can carry more of the load when you can’t give as much.
Sex Life in pregnancy
It is expected that your sex life will shift during pregnancy, and Carlie was prepared for that. Her and her spouse talked about what they expected sex would be like during pregnancy and postpartum. This helped get them on the same page in navigating the changes in their relationship. They talked over questions like “How do we connect when Carlie is feeling so sick?” It wasn’t a shock when it happened because they’d made a plan beforehand of what they could do.
During pregnancy, Carlie felt isolated and missed a feeling of purpose.
This changed once her baby arrived. Carlie knew that she often struggled with mental health issues, so she was aware this may be a struggle after the baby came.
She prepared herself emotionally by practicing kindness towards herself, mental wellness, and having conversations with her spouse about how they’d divide household labor and childcare. These efforts made a huge difference. Now, her life as a parent is full of joy and meaning - more than it ever has before.
I struggled to find joy in motherhood, and felt guilty that the joy didn’t come naturally. It took years of trial and error to figure out what was holding me back from that joy.
But now that I know, I want to share all of the secrets with you!
If you are struggling to find joy and identity in motherhood, download my free resource “Grow Into Loving Motherhood”. I lay out all the steps you need find the joy you so deeply desire.I can honestly say, I love being a mom! And I know you can too. Check it out here.
